I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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