I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
