Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
