I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
