She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
