Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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