and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
