You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
