Your mouth is God's brothel.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
