the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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