so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
