I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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