Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
