Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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