My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
