I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
