it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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