it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
