yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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