I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
