I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize