The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She bit a glass in half.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
