so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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