My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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