I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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