Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
