ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
