Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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