Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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