Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
