I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
