yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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