You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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