my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
