This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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