so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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