He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
