he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
