What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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