just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
