first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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