Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
