My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
