I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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