Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
