I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My life is pants optional.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
