OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A+ Viking dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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