I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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