i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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