I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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