And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
