people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize