I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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