Barsexuality is the new black.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
