we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
