i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
