what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
