Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
