oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
