i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i think i just lost a toe
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