I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
