she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
