Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize