No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
