I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
