If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
