Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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