I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
