I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
