If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
