Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
